There are so many things I wish I could tell you. Both from before you left us and from now, as they happen. Things happen all the time and my first thought is “I have to text Meg…” and then I remember. Often, I still do text you, just to make myself feel a little better, but that never works. I’ve been watching old videos and the ones I find myself rewinding over and over are those of your laughter. It was such a beautiful sound. It was something I didn’t cherish enough when you were still here. Each time you laughed represented a time that you were overcoming your battle with depression. Each time you laughed, the depression took to the back burner for a minute and you felt happiness. I took that for granted. We all did.
Anyone that knew you would say that you didn’t let your depression overcome you. We knew it was there, but you didn’t let on to the fact that it overwhelmed your thoughts constantly. You smiled the brightest of smiles, concocted the most ingenious plans, laughed the most contagious laughter. We knew you struggled but we didn’t all know how much of you it really consumed.
But that’s how it always is, isn’t it? Nobody ever sees it coming. Nobody predicts a suicide. Every single day we watch people suffer from depression and none of us are ever concerned that that person might be considering ending their lives. In fact, some people continue to bully these people despite the pain they see them dealing with. Why is that a thing? Why do we put aside our worries of suicide just because one person seems “more depressed” than another? I think we’ve all seen that some people can do a wonderful job of hiding it.
I guess my point is we should always be on high alert. It may seem tedious or unnecessary to check in on people when they make a concerning tweet or Facebook status, but it’s critical. You never know which of those “I can’t do it anymore”s are real. You never know which post will be someone’s last. Tell your friends you love and appreciate them, to the point that it annoys them. Let it be known that you are available to talk for anybody who may need a shoulder to lean on. Keep volunteering and donating and doing the absolute most that you’re capable of, and most importantly keep laughing. Meg may have lost her battle but we are still in this war. Keep fighting so that we won’t lose any more of our friends.